It's good to know you're not alone. Even with a spiritual path, which I think of as really just a next generation future technology we've yet to fully comprehend and appreciate yet, it's important to have a community available.a group of like minds doing the work to get empty and stay clear following their intuition, learning the lessons and enduring through the lessons, to touch bases with. so,tell me, please share how it's going. Where are you in your process? What's on your mind? You never know, opening up here, might lead to that next big break through you've been looking for. Some off hand remark and sharing of personal experience might just give you the needed kernel of insight to finally release a stubborn blockage. So let's share!
How are you? How's it going? Tell me about yourself! We don't judge. 😁
Replies
Hey Chance, good to see you!
I am in a strange vacuum, I used to feel so lonely and unhappy for so long, then came a certain degree of emptiness and acceptance, but still there was this everpresent underlying tension that was dragging me towards one extreme, only to slingshot me to the opposite right after I caved.
In a very strange way, this tension was a fuel for my creative outlet- writing music. I was writing to stay sane, I think.
In the last year, everything changed. This tension, its gone. Loneliness and unhappiness, gone. But also, something I would have never expected, my need to create and be creative. Music was something I have gravitated towards since I was a child, it was, quite literaly, the light at the end of the tunel for me, a way to pull through this.
So here I am, unsure what to do with myself. I am blessed with financial freedom, I am quite healthy and I could probably do pretty much anything I would want to do. But what is it I want? I feel like I want nothing.
It is almost depressing (or I can imagine it could be). But at the same time, its like, I dont care.
You feel me?
I have considered, that perhaps this music thing and my dreams of where it could lead to, was all a rue, a smokescreen to keep me distracted.
Maybe it wasnt what I truly wanted?
What is it then?
I will just have to wait and see.
All in I would have to say I feel quite good :-) ultimately I got what I asked for - peace
I can appreciate where you've come to, creatively. You know what I've found for myself, so far? As I learn to reignite passions? It was a question of love. Feeling truly loved, like in a perfect sense. An unshakeable, undeniable love as constant as constancy itself. True beyond truth. It does something deeper than I can analyze because the critical view seems incapable of venturing into a state of pure knowing. And that idea was always, to a degree, an odd one to swallow. Knowing.
It's an as yet incomplete task, the clearing never ends. And in my opinion, while it needs to be done, it's not really the point. I see clearing work as an implied agreement to travel the path with humanity along this shared destiny. Holding a ticket for the ride, standing in line. Agreeing to a story of our own unmaking, is just authenticity. And cohesion with the ambient psychic mass, the people.
What do you think about love?
Absolutely on point, yes.
My notion of what love has changed quite a lot over the time, right now, I see it as both a choice and a bond. In every present moment there is a choice being made at the very base level of the aggregate entity that is me, between love and the others (guess you could call them sins, i see them as beings). As I understand it now, the outside is a reflection, so the decision is more than meets the eye at first glance. Its not only about choosing my reaction (I see it as love=acceptance, flow), its at the same time choosing what the world looks like to you. So if I consistently choose love, it means two things, that I accept things as they are, dont try to distort them, but also, i radiate that outwards and it comes back to me as undistorted love. Whatever that means at each moment.
I understand it right now as THE ultimate choice, the only choice in a very clear way. I can see beings presenting me(=feeding me) images and thoughts, and if i accept them as real, that is my choice. I can always choose love, which is everpresent, I just have to sort of "tap" into it. Thats what I mean by the bond I mentioned at the beginning, as its always there.
Now how this fits into my creative ventures, Im not sure.
There were parts of me, quite big parts to be honest, that got dissolved, and Im pondering on an idea, that it was precisely these parts, selves, that were attached to music so deeply. And with them "gone", the attachment is also, in a very real way, gone.
I dont even know where to start the reignition process, because the very deep longing for something that was substituted by music, is gone. In a very obvious way, I have been disassembled and this is what it feels like right now.
I feel love more deeply than ever before, it resonates through the hollow chamber that is my chest and reverbates throughout my body. Of course there are moments where I am called to clear something, a part of me that prefers something else than love, and in a way, I have learned to cherish these moments, these lessons, for what they are and with this deep esoteric wisdom of the choice, its usually a rather swift endeavour. poof and its gone.
How do you approach your passions now? And what do you think about love?
#1 just to clarify I see love as a choice because the act of the choice itself is loving, an act of self love, love for the selves, represented by what I call the inner child
Chance, what you've done here is nearly permanently lodge Boston's "More Than a Feeling" song in my head. Torture. That's how I'm feeling. ;-D
I feel exhausted beyond repair and not really sure how to deal with it in a way that actually heals persistently. This world seems to demand more from me than what I have left to give, and I'm not that old.
Most things seem like a pointless waste of energy, but I need to continue expending energy anyway just to survive. Dreams have a tendency to fade into memory because we're all alone in manifesting those into our lives. When we finally do, the passion we had that wanted that dream is already long gone, and we just accumulate things that we no longer want for the sake of "living the dream" and showing the world that we made it.
Then again, I have wild ideas about turning my world into something that actually makes sense to me instead of just trying to blend in somewhere.
Is it possible to stop wanting things to be better, or at least different? I find that very hard to control. I guess I am always trying to live in the future instead of taking part in the daily rubbish that people believe keeps the world turning. It's all superficial. Everything is just a disguise that tries to make people feel good. At the end of the day, misery sets in because nothing great is ever accomplished, and the clown world still exists. The pile of work keeps growing.
I need a much more simple life, but I'm decades away from actually getting there, I think. It gets harder every day while I expected the opposite to be true.
You are a divine being who is completely unphased by the churning of matter running through your veins, you are never broken beyond repair, it's all a matter of perspective, from the physical perspective, it's a matter of rewiring your neurology to match your self-identification.
The reason you have a lack of energy is because your subconscious expends most of it to preserve your thought-processes about the world, because you are constantly thinking about everything and trusting nothing, you tire yourself out. You are constantly protecting yourself from imaginary threats (whom appear as real in a specific level of existence but only because you created them and fed them), believe it or not, the world you are thinking so heavily about it God, by constantly being suspecious of it, you are blocking your Higher Self from interacting with you, a higher self that is beyond the body. The lack of energy is a symptom of bodily-identification, this ties with your loneliness. In the world of forms, the only closure that two bodies can have is through sex and you can't fuck the whole world brother.
If you are manifesting things you don't want then that means you have begun to think unlike yourself. You embody the ego and the ego has lead you far away from your actual needs. The ego's eyes see you as separate, betrayed, misunderstood and the world as too uncaring for you to fit in. This is not the case, you are merely looking at yourself, these qualities are within you due to your lifelong identification with the ego...
You are not in control, the only thing the ego does for you, is to block informational flow, rejecting your own self outside of you and inside of you. You are the world, imagine how much you work to preserve the narrative that you are a body.
You cannot change anything of your own accord, in fact, change is an egoic idea, it's completely beyond you. You cannot change yourself for the better because you do not know yourself, being powerless to change yourself how will you change the world? The power to change comes by a higher self not you and it is HIS perspective that will ultimately make you happy again. You WANT to change and that invites higher selves to interact with you and you begin wanting change by 'feeling' that this manner of living is not suited for you.
Living in the future is escapism, you are the world and you cannot escape who you are that is why it's vain to try to run away and not partake 'in the daily rubbish'. The fact that you take reality this seriously is a sign that you are in pain, believing the narratives fully because you have closed yourself off from anything that would break your ideology.
You cannot escape your mind but there are methods that promise peace,happiness,normality and achievement. There are methods that will lift your subconscious weight off your shoulders. A Course in Miracles is a book that promises to bring Enlightnement to its reader. Read a book and become enlightened... that has a nice ring to it,no? It's not too good to be true, you are not broken beyond repair, nothing is ever lost.
I have suffered a lot of abuse and I even caved under the pressure but now I have returned and turned my life around with new paradigms and ideas, stronger and more useful than ever. The gladness of the world shines upon my face and I bathe in the glory of a superconsciousness, knowing that I am powerless to manifest happiness for myself.
I know the ego despises weakness but it is the only thing it cultivates in its believer, that prism is not to be shined upon, for there's a alternative set of eyes.
I am completely serious about A Course in Miracles. You can be normal again Adam.
Hey, Adam, I appreciate your honesty! I really do! Paisios, is definitely serving up a good heaping of wisdom there. Thanks for your clarity, Paisios!
It's a lot of the trickiness of the game to say you've succombed to thought to then offer a list of mental observations to think about in order to surrender your addiction to the loop of endless analysis. Essentially, from what I've found in my travels is that what you're going through is a prolonged winter of the soul. Which happens periodically in this kind of clearing work, along the way of this spiritual path. But it's never supposed to be prolonged. If it is, it's because you're either interfering with the natural process, misunderstanding what's happening, or to put it simply not following your intuition. And that might be because you just have trust issues with the universe. And if you do, who can blame you? Earth can be a brutal place!
I know I've had trust issues with this whole simulated existence and the universal will, the flow behind it all. Learning to follow your intuition, to hone it, nurture it, is absolutely critical. You can't advance without it. It replaces the incessant chatter of the ego, of the analytical mind. The quiet you receive in their absence become a new fuel, a new nutrient. Without the supply of unperturbed mind, it's like being vitamin deficient. You'll become weak, jagged, stagnant.
Intuition is so much, so many insights and truths hidden behind a wordless agreement to cocreate with the universe. A knowing that requires you to align with a truth beyond the ability to surmise.
So, all that is fine. Would you like some suggestions? I feel like myself, you could benefit from some training in how energy works and moves. Check out tarot card readings online, on YouTube there are about a billion. Watch what you're guided to, use your astrological sign to weed out the readings. Maybe also look at the soulmate cycle. I have been. Check out Steve's love tarot. He's a blast! I bet what you're going through might have a lot to do with not just not following your intuition but issues with soul contracts and an opportunity to remember how energy works.
This is just a quick reply, cause I'm under the weather, triggered some intense clearing. It's the game.
Just stop for a moment, remember you are human, too. And while you are divine above this all, it too is divine but mired in this illusion. It must be cared for, your psyche needs to be cared for. All must be in balance within itself, and then the parts among themselves aligned in order to be capable of aligning with the great flow. Are you happy? Why not? What are you doing, what is happening to create that condition? Cause it ain't the universe doing that. It's you. Knowing that and accepting it, taking responsibility for your own self imposed misery restores your power to make the necessary changes within yourself. Because everything wants you to be happy, and everything suffers when you're not.you can be happy, alive, vibrant! That's your part in this. Figuring out what you need to do, and not do, to let go of the game you still believe you must play. But that's cool, bro. Really! We've all been there!
In the end, from what I've seen, it all comes down to truly developing your intuition, garnering a more sophisticated understanding of energy. Hell, find some love. Do you have love now? Why not? And take care of yourself! You're human, too! Are you staying in balance? Walking in nature? Drinking enough water? Doing the things that excite you? When was the last time you laughed? Watched a sunset? Are you doing anything creative? What gives you purpose? I know it's an illusion, but that doesn't mean you can ignore it. That's just arrogance. It's not here just like everything else. Just like us to observe it. So don't let the nonsense of thinking you need to do anything to be anything to be this highly evolved being! That's bullshit! You already are! Take a step back, take a deep breath, look at the flowers, feel the colors. Feel! Is that not also a super being? Does a divine being not also laugh? Not also play? Not also love?
Hone your intuition. But first admit, and let go of what you're doing right now. Because, at some point, like hitting. Rock bottom, you have to see and admit. This shit you're doing right now ain't working. So stop it. Snap out of it. Listen. Look Around. Ask your guides for help. Stop trying to control things and flow.
Just flow. You can do it. I believe in you! And I wanna hear your thoughts and how it goes. We're here for you buddy. You're never alone.
That's Impossible.
perfection.
it really flows from you Chance:)
Thanks for the support guys!
To be clear, the breakthrough that I needed for those feelings actually came through on July 1 this year. If it didn't... I may have given up. But, here I am more or less recollecting and venting to get some final junk out of me.
When I find more time I'll come back and share more about how those "lifestyle feelings" broke me down enough to find a ticket to paradise and begin work on bridging the divide.
This life is brutally amazing.
I am writing this for the community, but even more so because I know there are other dads out there in similar situations; holding on for dear life for the sake of their loved ones.
My background is in computers, in that broad of a scope. I've yet to encounter a problem that I haven't been able to solve, and built a pretty solid career out of it.
I know how chips and circuit boards are engineered and fabricated, hardware assembled to make servers (or whatever), I've worked with most operating systems and server-based software, and I understand most of the programming languages that people use to develop apps on top of it all. Much of my career has been in the cloud computing space so I also understand big data, global networking, high availability, and so much more, but I don't want to bore people with any more of those details.
I also love art and music. I do graphics and web design for my own personal projects. I used to love playing the guitar and keyboard, but don't have time for those right now.
All of the above is mixed with a family history of farmers, carpenters, and mechanics. I've dabbled in those myself and acquired many handy skills during my 37 years on this planet.
I was considered "gifted" as a child and so they put me through all of the advanced classes in the public school system; a 90's kid, millennial.
So, like any good, high school dropout, I followed a more traditional approach. Got a job, found a girl, we dated for years, got married, rented an apartment, got a dog, bought a small house, had a kid, then another kid, bought a bigger house, and then started a business in our free time. Things look promising on the surface.
- I work from home but never see my kids.
- I provide for my family but I'm stuck in a soulless job to pay the bills.
- I make a lot of money, but have relatively nothing left to spend.
- I work all day, every day, but have no time left for the things that feed my spirit.
- The fire of the Spirit that rages within me is dying to manifest in the outer world.
- It has spoken to me loud and clear and said, "Get the hell out of the way!"
- This no-body abides.
I've spent probably the past 20 years of my life working on myself in different phases. I have a very deep spiritual history, but nothing religious to cloud my judgment. I believe that I've whittled myself down as much as I possibly can. I've become a peasant in my own self-made kingdom. Can I do this for another 30 years until I pay off my mortgage? Absolutely not, I refuse! The next phase involves destroying the kingdom and starting over on richer soil.
I knew it was coming eventually. I hit a brick wall. I've gone through so many different techniques to improve my health and regain energy. Drugs, supplements, nootropics, you name it… none of it works anymore. I eat really well, eventually sleep enough, get outside for exercise and connection to nature, but I feel like I'm moving in the wrong direction.
I consider myself to be very fortunate. It's funny what we're able to admit to ourselves at our weakest points. I may end up owning nothing and being happy, but hopefully on my own terms. The troubling thing for me is, how do I navigate through the next phase of my life with 3 people on my back?
What I've discovered is that we could sell everything that we own, pay off all debts, and then start a new life on an emerging tropical island to manifest our dreams. It's a long process of letting go and becoming light; minimalism. We will eventually have an off-grid, permaculture homestead that will be used as a teaching facility for sustainable community development, and of course feeding thousands of people. It will be situated in the heart of the last frontier and city of the living God.
I could actually retire now, if I needed to, but not where I currently am, not with this life. It's not what that other place was developed for. The word retirement has taken on an entirely new meaning in my life. I'll never stop creating Paradise on Earth. I bought the domain paradisepilgrim.com where I intend to continue telling the story over the next 2-3 years. I'm certainly happy to share more here, if anyone is interested.
As a final remark, I have to say:
When it comes to finding your own Paradise on Earth, you'll know it when you see it, and then just go. This whole world was created to prevent other people from claiming your spot on your throne. In other words, if anyone is going to thrive there, against all odds, it's you!
The whole world is against you, but so what?
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